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tv   Grow Up Parenting Wars With John Stossel  FOX News  December 27, 2014 2:00pm-3:01pm PST

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tonight. i'm bill o'reilly. remember the spin stops right here. we're definitely looking out for you. out for like this and then slam. >> whes the matter with a broken leg. >> it's six weeks. >> wouldn't want to gamble with my child. >> one down on the soccer field. >> woosification. >> i call it a spiritual awakening. >> is it a spiritual awakening to sell boys' vacuum cleaners. >> boys want to vacuum and iron. >> if that's what speaks to them. >> how strict should you be? >> daughters not allowed to attend a sleepover, have a play date, be in a school play, complain about not being in the play. >> hold yourself to a higher standard. >> do you know i did not eat this marshmallow yet? >> how do we teach kids to resist temptation.
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these kids kupt. >> take a look. she's hyperventilating. >> these kids play without supervision. >> it's no fun being by yourself. >> i like being a free-range kid. >> for the next hour, we offer better ways to help your kids grow up. >> every child in there is being watched by an adult. i understand why, we want to keep them safe. but what's going on over there in chicago? these kids' parents decided their kids should be allowed to do more on their own. so the kids go to this playground by themselves. >> parents should let kid dozen this. >> reporter: less than their own for one to two hours they look out for each other. >> are you okay? >> reporter: without parents bossing them around they quickly organize their own lives. >> it's no fun just being by
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yourself and being trusted by your parents. >> reporter: what if something happens. >> how quickly danger can strike a child being stalked by a predator. >> reporter: we hear about cruel playground bullying, terrible accidents, kids getting lost and, above all, adults preying on kids. >> 750,000 registered sex offenders, and could be living next door to you and you don't even know it. >> 24/7, turn on tv, see a kid being kidnapped, murdered. >> reporter: a mom who is fed up with the way tv scares parents, though kids today are actually safer than ever. >> we are at a 50-year low in crime. when i tell the people, they're so concerned that that can't possibly be -- >> they don't believe it. >> they don't believe it or say, of course there's less crime against children because we're holding them so tight. but less crime against grown women, grown men, pets, cars, you know? there's just less crime. you must accept this, but nobody
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does. >> reporter: she pushes the idea of free range kids. free range kids, like free range chickens. >> yeah. we realized that is this a life? it's just not here. they can't move their wings. free range parenting is a rejection of the idea that your kids can't do anything on their own. >> reporter: in fact the group of chicago kids calls themselves free range kids club. >> it's a good break from your parents to be with your friends. >> yeah. >> and still allow -- not have to worry about hoe much yogurt you eat? >> more. >> good. >> if kids don't try to do things on their own -- >> kids can't learn social skills. they can't learn team skills. they can't learn working together skills when always supervised. that was the impetus to start the club. >> parents let their kids roam. >> first outing we had five or six kids. by the enwe had too why, 12 or
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14 a pack of kids roaming the neighborhood. >> were they scared to go out on their own? >> only thing i was slightly scared of, embarrassed if someone asked where my parents were and i didn't want to tell them i was by myself. >> the fact they were by themselves upset a security guard at the library. >> she'd follow us if we went upstairs. >> like bizarre children in the library looking at books and checking out books. >> thank you. >> you're welcome. >> at first, the kids just had fun. but now they say that, by doing this, they gain something. >> you get trust from your parents. >> yeah. >> these kids take pride in running adult-like errands. >> my parents are like we're running late, can you pick up dry cleaning? and i can walk to the dry-cleaners. >> it's free range for our children. let them play freely. >> the family therapist -- >> drink the kool-aid. why do we have to rush kids into
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being minuteny adults, 7, 8, 9, 10-year-old. >> many learn, and they want to. they want to be on their own. >> i want to smoke. i want to drive your car. free range, okay, honey buns, you want to do that, go, do whatever you want. there are real-life pedophiles out there how about the 8-year-old boy who said can i walk home from camp? parents think it's a safe area, he can ask for help. and you know what? he asked somebody for help, what seemed to be a lovely man. what did that man do? he chopped him up. >> you cite the extreme. crime is down. >> i do cite the issue, but do you want to, as a parent, gamble with your child? i wouldn't want to gamble with my child. >> would you let a 9-year-old take the subway alone? >> lenore did, she let her son ride the subway along with, according to dr. phil -- >> molesters, cyberstalking, predators, bullies.
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>> people called lenore america's worst mom. >> why at 9 years old? bad stuff does happen. >> i thought i was putting him in a dangerous situation, i wouldn't have done. it was his idea. let me point out, it was not us who said we'll put you on the subway and make a man out of you today. it was mom and dad, can i please take the subway home from someplace that i haven't been before and try to find my own way home. >> take the g-train, then to manhattan, two blocks up, one over. >> the show quick to portray lenore's choice as reckless. >> the construction site where he was recovered is where he was killed. >> that can happen. but seven years after this, lenore's son is still alive. >> i live to tell the tale. >> he's now 16, and proud that his mom let him grow. >> were you scared? >> not at all. i had done it before with my parents and it was fun. i know how to get around. i'm confident in myself. >> but you free range parents better watch out.
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>> a mother from florida faces five years in prison for letting her 7-year-old son walk to the park alone. >> i honestly didn't think i was doing anything wrong, ooh was letting him go play. >> this woman arrested because she let her kids play right in front of her house. a neighbor told the police the kids were unsupervised. but their mom was watching. >> if you had looked, you would have seen me. i was visible. >> simon arthur brought his 7-year-old to a car show but his son didn't want to stay. >> i was bored, i was hot, and i wanted to walk home. >> we walked to the shopping mall before. there's police station on the corner the whole way. i said, all right, walk home. >> i wasn't scared. >> i keep reading about abducts. >> yeah. possible to be hit by lightning or struck by a meteor. >> i wasn't very far and the cop asked me where are my parents. >> the child ended up living a mile and a half from the location. that's a great distance for a
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young, 7-year-old to travel by himself, without water or nourishment around with him. we were able to charge mr. arthur with reckless conduct. >> put handcuffs on me, put me in the back of the police car. >> this raises the question, whose child is it the parent's or the state? we want kids protected from abuse but don't parents decide if their own kids are mature enough to walk home on their own? >> if you think that a child, let alone parents sometimes, make really good judgments, when they are in a situation that they cannot predict? >> that's how they learn to make good judgments. >> if a child is not at the age where they can supervise another, that they shouldn't be supervising themselves. >> this attitude has built child protection industry. >> you can get money from parents by making them very nervous. >> this company sells tracking
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devices. >> if they go outside the bound director you'll receive a text alert telling you exactly where they are. >> the device is locked on to your child. making it hard for the kids or even strangers to take the band off. >> you can get something called tooth prints, an impression that you give your child and they bite into it, and then you have an impression, a dental. pression of your child that you can keep for when they find the body and it is mangled beyond recognition. >> the perception of the risk, it's all messed up. if you're concerned about risk, don't ever put your kid in a car. >> right. driving's much more dangerous. so are swimming pools. >> risk is greater if you do not raise your children to be independent, to learn how to problem solve, learn how to make decisions on their own. >> i can hang. >> free range kids climb trees. >> a lot of parents think i'm crazy. oh my god, she might break her arm. >> she might. but on their own kids learn to -- >> run the risk, makes you stronger in a bay that's
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valuable, i feel. if the waerpardon is there sayi the branch can't support your foot, it's not as valuable of the experience of the child putting her foot on the branch, feeling it, pulling her foot back. >> what if the kids hurt themselves? >> they know not to do that the next time. >> i'm coming down. >> even if you're a free range parent you still care just as much about your children. >> amy graf writes the mommy files for the "san francisco chronicle." >> parents fear, when they give children freedom they're not going to make good choices. >> yeah. >> i think when you give children freedom, they make better choices. >> what about the risk? >> the risk is so low. >> i used to be kind of afraid. then i realized, there's not much to be really scared of. >> some kids have none of the experiences or even basic responsibility. this mom will not let her 10-year-old hold a knife. >> i cut up all of his meat for him still. >> i don't need it cut!
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look, i'm not going to choke on. >> it's too huge. >> the boy used the knife because he was a guest on lenore's tv show and lenore let him. >> using a knife, mom. >> oh my god, what is he doing. >> there's an assumption any child the child is unsupervised they're in danger. >> knows how to use the burners, the oven, she can make pancakes better than i company i let her run loose in the kitchen. paris' friends envy her experience. what do they say? >> they say, that sounds so fun. >> go, go. >> and the free range kids say they are more confident. >> you can never get lost. you know where everything is. >> all of them said -- >> i like being a free range kid. >> i like being a free range adult. coming up, the tiger mom and the most important thing your kid needs to succeed. >> 100 marshmallows, i'll be filled.
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. there's a lot of pressure on kids, study, achieve, win. but there's a counter movement, every kid's a winner. that sounds nice but some people call that -- >> the woosification of america. >> the woosification of america. >> we are wimping down, woos
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fiing american men and it has to stop. >> what's wussy about kindness. >> jenna ann says what critics call wussifcation is fine. >> the term is derogatory. i think it's slightly homophobic. >> one town wants helmets on the soccer field. >> youth soccer leagues may require held meants. >> so what. if anything happened to my kid on the soccer feel, i could not live with myself. >> i'll call it a spiritual awakening. >> a move to protect our kids from dangers like what the motorcyclist does, takes his hands off the handle bars of his harley and lets his 6-year-old steer. i like risk taking but this makes me cringe. the boy doesn't even wear protective clothing. >> hold them under the arm, up like this, and then slam!
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>> other people object to what this father does. >> you think you got what it takes? you think you can take your own man. >> gavin mcginness posted the video, how to fight a baby. >> 13 million people have watched this. >> yeah. it's a hilarious video. >> it's not that funny. it struck a chord. >> yes. when they see someone brazenly whipping their kid around, they go, that's what i do. studies have shown children benefit from roughhousing, physically bonding with your child and i can see with my own eyes as a parent, i see them benefit from this. when you tell them to be scared and don't rough house, stand back, don't touch, you create an environment of fear. >> i don't find this fun ny. i don't find fighting a baby is a laughing matter. >> call gavin a bad parent. >> shaken baby syndrome happens like this. >> gavin put his hands around
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the babey's neck, i don't find it funny. >> doesn't mean we have to avoid. living that life, children, avoid this, avoid that you're teaching a child to be scared of the universe. >> in canada, a kid broke his leg playing in the tree. people demanded trees be cut down. >> what's the matter with a broken leg? it's only six weeks, pretty girls sign their cast. >> his big sister pushed him off the swlide. >> they're kids, we want to protect them. >> true of babies. when they become little people, you have to teach them about the real world. if you don't do it reality's going to do it. >> but now in america, we even protect older kids from disappointment. by giving every child a trophy. >> proud of him. real proud of him. >> when i was a kid, trophies had meaning. you only got one if you were good at something.
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but these days kids get trophies for participating. >> in my kids' soccer league, everybody got a trophy. >> sorry. >> they seemed happy. >> author ashley merriman argues giving everyone a prize is bad for kids. makes them feel good about themselves. >> research has found opposite, when kids are told they're wonderful, they are worried that the next time they try something they'll screw up. >> 40 years ago the trend was self-esteem. california started a self-esteem task force. mocked by a cartoonist. agenda, make sure everyone on the committee feels good about themselves. self-esteem movement was influential. parents were told, avoid competition. competition's bad. but now the research is in. boosting self-esteem may be counterproductive. >> kids with low self-esteem,
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get this overinflated praise, encouragement, become more reticent to try things in the future. they avoid challenges instead. >> that's why trophies for all is a bad idea. i've heard of kids who got so upset at soccer award ceremonies getting participation ceremonies they dumped them into the trash can and set them on fire. >> participation trophies -- >> they were insulted. he knows that trophy was pity and it's embarrassing to him. >> what about the self-esteem about the kid who isn't as good. >> you're not as good. >> that hurts? >> you're not as good. you're not as handsome as brad pitt. you're not as intel again as the kid who can do pie to 3,000 decimal places. sorry, the best thing you can do is accept that and move on. >> parents tell me, my kid worked really hard, went to practice every week. they didn't go to practice every
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week, you drove them, right? >> first, makers of trophies want more kids to get trophies. >> i used to joke there was a trophy industrial complex, and then i found out it's $3 billion a year industry. >> the trophy industrial complex? >> yeah, that's what i call it. >> that's what it is. lobbyists like at wards and recognition association that say things like -- >> we really need to start encouraging parents to buy trophies every time their kid read's book. >> if you give a trophy to everybody, the trophy doesn't mean anything. >> we don't know what the trophy means to the child. >> she holds on to a trophy that she got as a kid. >> i showed up and finished something and accomplished something. and it said i was funny, john. >> strike three, you're out of there! >> sounds like this movie where billy crystal can't believe the way his grandkids are being protected. >> time. >> it's okay. this is my dad and he's new
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here. there are no outs in this game. >> no outs? how do you know who's winning? >> in this league between keep score. every game ends in a tie. >> sure enough, many kids' sports leagues ban keeping score. kids keep score secretly anyway? >> i don't think it's a secret. by four, five, they know exactly who is the best reader in the class, who is the bet athlete, drawing. it's confusing when we pretend there aren't any. >> look at mean. see. >> dad, we don't worry about lines. >> billy crystal tells his grandson, color between the lines. >> what's the point of having lines if you just -- >> artie. >> oh. that's beautiful. that's absolutely beautiful. it's very avant-garde. >> picasso. >> exactly. >> i don't see why kids must color within the leines but wha does calling them picasso do to kids. >> i peaked.
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>> kids have high self-esteem, rank number one in self-esteem for man but -- >> when they think they're doing well but doing badly. >> how about acknowledge what they did do well? what about the kid who is bad? what about the one who gave it a good shot and wasn't good and know it. >> you don't give them a trophy. >> give them a ribbon. maybe the person who deserves the ribbon the least needs it the most. talking about kids. you know? >> there's nothing better for a kid than to learn how to lose. that's what childhood is all about, making mistakes, learning to lose, learning to fail. >> and then i hope succeeding. next, parent whose push gender neutral parenting. >> he asks us, am i a boy or girl and i ask him, do you feel more like a boy or more like a girl?mouth ca common side effect. that's why there's biotene.
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boy but his mom says -- >> he loves to draw, he loves music. >> michael's mom and their friends make a concerted effort to parent their kids in a gender neutral way. >> among my friends, i don't think anyone would ever say they're not gender neutral. >> we always offer dolls along with the trucks and the balls. dolls and things you know, bring out nurturing. >> we asked their boys -- >> any guys like dolls. >> stuffed animals are like dolls. >> some families give their kids gender neutral names so the kids can make up their own mind. >> baby's names storm, they're calling gender-free. >> gender-free, gender neutral, there's transgendered. more? >> yes. we've got gender fluid, gender creative, gender independent. >> elizabeth myers teaches teachers, don't treat kids as boys or girls.
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she raises her own son that way. >> do you feel more like a boy or a girl? he says i feel like a boy. then we'll call you a boy unless you feel like something din. >> how this this parenting working out? >> at the playground he said, mama this playground is for everybody, boys can play, girs can play, transgender kids and kids who don't feel like a boy or girl can play. >> sounds like he's living propaganda, garbage that you've indoctrinated him with. >> i know some people would say that. >> a great mistake dr. meyer and others are making is the notion that, in order to ensure equal opportunity, we have to put our heads in the san and pretend that gender doesn't matter. >> she asks her son, do you feel more like a boy or girl? she says this is how gender should be established. >> unintended message that the boys and girls are hearing is that, hey, the grown-ups are on another planet.
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they have no idea what actually matters to us. result is gender confused kids. >> isn't this confusing for the kids? >> absolutely not. in know who they are, and they're going to tell you who they are. >> assuming, she says be, they don't get manipulated by our sexist society. >> media messages, movies. >> he likes her. >> what our parents taught us. so we internalize these norms which think that's how it should be. it's not biological or predetermined. >> but is it biological, most boys do like the more active, violent sports. >> there are average tendencies but i -- that doesn't mean most. >> aren't most boys different from most girls? >> i would disagree. >> i once believed that but then i had kids. my wife didn't allow my son to have toy gun. he made guns out of carrots. >> it's true. my son likes to turn everything into a gun or a shooting
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mechanism, no matter how hard i try discourage it. >> don't discourage it, says the doctor. >> the son jumps up behind the couch and says bang, bang, you're dead and mom reprimands him and says i love you but i wish you weren't in violent games. the result is not boy whose want to engage in scrapbooking, the result is boys looking to the internet and getting ideas from masculinity from that. >> which is probably not a good thing, given what's on the internet top reduce the influence of sexist culture, sweden pushes toy ads that are gender neutral. girls play with guns and boys happily iron clothing. >> boys want to vacuum and iron and -- >> if that's what speaks to them, it's fun and entertaining. >> council woman abbey land proposing to make all single stall rest rooms gender neutral. >> the latest trend in hollywood, among college campuses, to get rid of the boy/girl label.
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but science shows, most people are not gender neutral. what happens when you ask girls and boys to draw whatever they want? girls draw people, pets, flowers and trees. the people have eyes, mouth, hair and clothes. >> doesn't matter where the girl's this test has been done america, africa, thailand, japan, results are similar. there's a japanese girl's picture. and an american girl. but -- >> the great majority of boys are drawing something profoundly different, a scene of action. sometimes look like squiggles because it's action. >> maybe they draw drnifferentl because they've been exposed to sexist parents and sexist society that leads them to do this. >> that's what i learned when i was earning my ph.d. in psychology 30 years ago. then presearchers got bright idea of giving the same choice to monkeys. three different studies now. human, chimpanzee or monkey. males want to play with the truck. why? it's got wheels, it goes kaboom,
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movement, action. girls want to play with the colorful. these differences are hardwired, not socially constructed because found in four primate species. >> feminist professors teach students gender differences are exaggerated. some is anti-science propaganda from you people in teachers colleges. >> gender differences are quite small. >> all social is not biological innate wishes. >> some feel approaches are extreme because they're uncomfortable with them. it shakes their world view. >> yeah, it shakes mine because i think it's mostly wrong. next, a woman who says, more moms shoum be as tough as my mom was. and for that people say things like -- >> she is the worst person ever born! ar ritis lasts 8 hours but aleve can last 12 hours. and aleve is proven to work better on pain than tylenol arthritis. so why am i still thinking about this?
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how are ya? good. aleve. proven better on pain.
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born!
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a few years ago a mom wrote
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a parenting book that freaked out a lot of people. extreme parenting. upset about the woman who called herself tiger mom. >> surprising details of her strict parenting methods causing quite a controversy. >> controversy because of strict rule. >> your daughters not allowed to attend a sleepover, have a play date, be in a school play, complain about not being in the play, watch tv or play computer games. right. >> this seems mean. >> i don't think so at all. i think the message is, you know, i believe in you. you are capable of so much more than you realize and if you just stop whining and don't give up and don't make excuses, you can do anything you want in your life. >> to teach her two daughters that, she forced them to practice violin and piano for hours. >> kids have to practice two, three, four, five hours a day. and i think for a lot of normal american parents that's
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inconceivable. her kids excel. here they are at ages 11 and 14, performing at a grown-up concert. ♪ one daughter also excelled in tennis and at school, the other made valedictorian. but the tiger mom's book got lots of criticism. she doesn't let kids make their own decision. a manual for parents who want to systemically weed out any genuine interests or passion for life. >> the dream is you just give the child a clarinet, amazing jazz pops out. or you give the child a piece of paper and you know string theory will come out. but before you can invent string theory or invent the theory of relativity, you need to be able to multiply well. >> where's childhood? >> yes, we want our children to be happy but it's not the secret to happiness to say, do whatever you want, enjoy yourself. >> you called yodaughter garbag
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once. >> i mentioned this at a dinner party and several people walked out. >> i think so. you're destroying your child's spirit. >> the message is, you know what, i think you're better than that hold yourself to a higher standard. honestly, i think you know, parents these days, so terrified of making their children feel bad. >> yes, maybe for good reason. everyone knows asians are more likely to commit suicide. except what everyone knows, is wrong. >> asian-americans actually have among the lowest suicide rates of any group. >> it's true. asian suicide rate is half that of the general population. maybe tiger moms are better at instilling self-esteem. >> tell your child you're amazing all you want but that doesn't instel true confidence, true self-es staem has to be earned there asian parents are more likely to be tiger moms and that's why asian-americans get better grades have higher average income.
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her new book, the triple package, amy and her husband argue, any parent can do it, but certain immigrant groups, jews, nigerians and others more likely to instill values in kids that lead to success. tiger mom is back with a despicable, new theory about racial superiority. >> it is racism. >> seems to be racially charged. >> the worst person ever born! >> it's not race and genetic. we say the opposite. we say, look, look at america, most successful groups include all races. >> please welcome -- >> nigerian americans are an amazing example, less than 1% of america's black population, they made up a quarter of harvard business school's black students. it's something about culture and how they're raised and expectation. >> you know the secret of success, it's three things. >> the first is a sengs se of
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exception alty, superior complex, second, a dash of insecurity, i'm not quite good enough yet, i shouldn't have said that. >> contradictory, superiority complex, insecurity. >> steve jobs is a perfect example. he had such a superiority complex, about all of his friends also described him as deeply insecure. i think that's what creates this kind of chip on the shoulder, goading feeling leak i need to show everybody, i need to prove myself. the third element of the triple package, impulse control. >> can your child sit still and concentrate on things that won't bring rewards for years. >> chinese immigrant parents force children to do one hour a day on average of a focused activity, that could be reading, drawing, but doing something with no distractions. one hour on average a day, compared to just six minutes a day for americans on average. but does this obedient sitting
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and drilling kill creativity that leads tauzin know vation. american tech entrepreneurs who create cool things, i hear are college dropouts, not the studious kids raised by tiger mom. i look at innovation we've seen in america, facebook, google, these are not kids who were drilled. these are not kids raised by tiger moms. you're programming kids. >> you know, actually if you look at silicon valley, a hugely disproportionate percentage of innovators and start-up founders are immigrant and immigrant children and triple package groups. >> sergei brinn, jerry yang. >> it's the parents' job to give them the tool, give your children the ability to focus on something so when they find their passion, they can do something with it. >> you had nasty fights with the girls. >> incredibly nasty, especially with my younger daughter.
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she refused to do it and stomping off and i said, get back to the piano, my husband said, you know what? maybe she just can't do it. i said, you know what? you don't believe in her. i'm going to do this. we drilled and we drilled and it wasn't that pleasant but then suddenly, after an hour and a half, her two hands came together. she realized it at the same time that i did, and after that, lulu refused to leave the piano. years afterward she told me, mommy i remember that moment and think that's a life lesson that lasts forever. i think that's how you instill real confidence. >> your daughters like you? >> i think they love me. >> they say, thanks, mom, glad you did this stuff. >> actually, you'd be surprised. >> would we? we'll find out when we return. you're here to buy a car.
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make the best entertainment part of your holidays. catch all the hottest handpicked titles on the winter watchlist, only with xfinity from comcast. what's the big of the predictor of success in life? brains? rich parents? good looks? none of those, say the experts. the biggest predictor is, can you delay gratification? >> here's the deal. marshmallow for you. either wait and i'll give you another one if you wait, or you can eat it now. >> it smells yummy. >> looks really good.
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>> can he stand to wait to eat it? . this is an experiment that's been tried in many forms with many kids but the idea's always the same, test whether a child will eat the candy now or get twice as much if he can wait 15 minutes. as you see here, most kids cannot wait. only about a third were able to delay. often distracting themselves by looking away. but about a third were able to wait 15 minute. >> how did you do? >> and earn the extra candy. >> you wanted to eat it. yeah. did i tell you i would give you another one? you can have both. the first kids that took this 40 years ago were followed and tested years later. kids who didn't eat marshmallows had s.a.t. scores 200 points higher. >> 213 points higher on average, happier, healthier. >> kid whose delayed gratification at this age do much better later in life.
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not just better in school but make more money, they are happier, they have better relationships and less likely to get in trouble. the kids who ate the marshmallows, many of to get into trouble. but the kids who ate the marsh mallows, many of them were in trouble? >> yes. >> reporter: he replicated the experiment in south america. the kids behaved the same way north american kids did. >> take a look girl, she's actually hyperventilateing. she wants a marshmallow badly. they're playing mind games in order not to eat the marshmallow. >> most gave in. >> that kid could not weight not even ten seconds. >> this doesn't mean he'll fail in life. researchers say it does mean he's more likely to struggle. so since the data show the ability to delay gratification is really important. so how do you teach this to kids? >> you teach him skills that will take him to a position
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where they have to work hard and persevere to get whatever they want in life. >> we all have marshmallows that we want now, but some of us have learned to wait. >> susan peril runs the parenting advice website imom. you told them they'd save up for it. >> they had three jars, share, spend, save. you want to buy something, save it, it's yours. >> seeing it in jars reminded them to wait. >> it's good to see that money grow. they get into it. much have you saved? i save this much. >> it doesn't need to be money. >> prizes, privileges or praise. >> when her kids really wanted something, they could have it. only after they spent a while doing something that was hard for them. >> if it was potty training, she wanted this mermaid doll, throw in the prize, the doll. throw it up on the piano, make it three days staying dry, you will get that doll. boom, she did it. she knew success. >> she could look at the doll.
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>> you be she couldn't have it. >> what if the child demandings a doll now and throws a fit? it's important not to give in to a tantrum. it teaches kids the opposite of delay gratification, the boy wants a bag of chips, right now. aaahhhh. >> ahahahahaha. >> instead of giving in, mom imitates him. she looks at them, now, he's embarrassed, he put the chips back, the end of ha. >> what's the moral? >> you really, really can work with your kids. i think sometimes parents are just too busy to be consistent or they're too fearful that their child is not going to like them. >> also, lead by example. because it's not what you teach. it's how they see you behave. you have to teach your child to save money for the rainy day so they have to see you save money. you see, kids have to see you do whatever you want them to do.
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>> finally, kids will only learn to wait if they see the delay in gratification leads to something good. parents must follow through, do what they say. >> this means you have to keep promises. >> his parents don't keep promises. kids are less able to wait for a reward. in this version of the marshmallow test, russiaers first promise kids. >> if you can wait for know go in the other room, can you use our big stairs instead. >> i'm sorry, i don't have that big art supplies i told you about. >> once the promise was broken, kids were much more likely to eat the marshmallows. >> if i eat 100 marshmallows, i will be filled up. >> if you delay gratification, you will get something better had been broken. >> if a a persont is not consistent, then the child will not trust that they will get what is promised. we do this as moms all the time. we say in a minute. mom, i want. in a minute.
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we're teaching our children we don't always mean what we say. >> bottom line, tell kids the truth. teach them the benefits of waiting when they're young. >> did you know i did not eat this marshmallow yet. >> and reward them when they do white. >> three marshmallows? >> three of them. >> coming up, if are you tough on your kids, will they hate you? and saving so much money on their car insurance by switching to geico... well, just look at this setting. do you have the ring? oh, helzberg diamonds. another beautiful setting. i'm not crying. i've just got a bit of sand in my eyes, that's all. geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.
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thanks. ♪ [ male announcer ] fedex® has solutions to enable global commerce that can help your company grow steadily and quickly. great job. (mandarin) ♪ cut it out. >>see you tomorrow. ♪ if you push your kids won't they hate you? i bet the if you push your kids, won't
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they hate you? i bet the tiger mom's children won't tiger bomb tear kids. >> i will totally tiger bomb my kids. >> her younger sister was less than enthusiastic. >> it has it's ups an downs, i remember being pulled out of class to practice, i am a 12-year-old kid, of course,ly say, why do i have to do it? looking back, i can't be happier. >> she began her freshman year at harvard, her older sister goes here, too. >> i totally loves being raised by my mom, she's awesome. >> she is planning to joan the army him she meets the basic standard. she wants to get the top score. she works out often. >> as a girl, it's important not to meet the standards but kind of to exceed it. >> kids raised by regular parents, she says, don't have the drive. >> in going to college, it was just seeing how many you know amazing brilliant people would encounter an obstacle and be like i can't do this and i can't
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do this is genuinely a feeling i've never had. i have what it takes to do with absolutely anything. >> most of us hope our kids have that feeling. some of it just exists in human nature if we adults don't crush it. as these commercials suggest, babies want to test themselves. even if they fall. they try and try again. many parents want to protect them from falling. but protection has a downside. >> when you create an environment free of risk, what you are doing is leaving a child vulnerable. >> being able to fall and recover is useful in life. >> i work with young people today and when they hit conflict, they have a meltdown. >> because they have been protected as babies? >> yes. if you fire someone who is 22 today, its not unusual for her or him to trash the place screaming and then have their parents call. they have been pampered their whole lives.
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the sad reality of the world is, you get slapped in the face all the time. you got to get tough. >> not too tough. but enough freedom to let them learn on their own helps them grow up. that's our show. thanks for watching. >> hello, i'm laura engel. welcome to a brand-new hour inside america's news headquarters. >> topping the news at this hour, have you heard what north korea is saying, berating us and president obama over the release of the movie "the interview." pyongyang hurled insults at new operations on the sony hack on entertainment. what does it mean for

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